Now for Something Completely Different

GIRL ON GIRL ACTION

While I was out titivating the driveway a few months back, I got chatting to our beautiful blonde postie [post delivery girl]. I had remarked that she must get very fit walking Wellington’s hills and I reminded her that one of NZ’s premier poets James K. Baxter had also been a local postie.

The obvious follow-up in my chat-up line was whether she was also a competitive runner or biker? [I haven’t entirely lost the knack – or maybe it was just a reflex action like an old dog chasing cars in its sleep].

She then volunteered that she had become addicted to Roller Derby but that despite her strength and stamina, she had so far been unable to get into the first team of our Richter City Rollers team [‘Richter’- after our proneness to earthquakes]. She also gave me a brief intro to the rules and suggested that I try it myself [as a spectator].

So last night, I put on a surprise package for the family which consisted of a mystery tour to the Chicago Bar on Queens Wharf and then tickets to the 2013 Season ‘Aggro’ Opener between the Wellington Richter City Rollers and the Auckland Pirate City Rollers.

While my wife was initially sceptical and the boys started listless and grumpy, we were all soon totally enthralled.

For a similar epiphany the report by Wellington’s Blogging Chick [at: http://bloggingcafechick.blogspot.co.nz/2012/04/richter-city-roller-derby.html]

There is just so much in-your-face speed, noise, exuberance and louche sexitude.  I adored the girls’ names - a sample:

‘Jem Molition, Suffer Jet, Switchblade Betty, Rusty Stiletto, Princess Slayer, Lady Trample, Myrtle Kombat, Sick Puppy, Sugar Gorilla, Machete Confetti, Scary Maclary, Venom de Plume, Gin & Toxic’.

And as ‘Heidi Contagious’ comments on the costumes:

‘In derby there isn’t an official dress code but I’ve observed some unwritten rules like, black is good (but hell when is it not?), Goth works, frilly knickers absolutely, bright coloured short skirts, fishnets (a wardrobe staple), leopard print (a winning choice by Smash Malice), tight shorts, knee high socks with optional print – tartan, skulls, stripes and accessories – earrings, necklaces, belts’.

This is all very Autumn-Winter 2013, as my recent Fashion Page explained.

With the names, the athleticism and the camaraderie, it reminded me of my much beloved Mother Hash, the Manila Mens’ Hash House Harriers - except to say that the Hash is positively sophisticated and even effete by comparison. I would love to be a fly-on-the-wall in the dressing room or the après derby drinks [always assuming I wasn’t swatted].

There was tragedy just before the end of the first half when our key jammer 'Skanda Lass' was stretchered off in tears of pain and frustration [it has taken me 24 hours to figure out that her name is not a Nordic reference, and that instead it is a pun on the word scandalous]. She was subsequently reported as OK.

We had to leave to get the boys home soon after this and things were looking bleak for the Richters.

Anyhow, it seems that they won 194:192 - after putting their heads down and getting their leotards swinging in the last tight stretch. Wunderbar! and Magnifique! [or should that be 'Wanda Bear' and 'Maggie Physique'?].

Summing it all up, my wife's view was that it was pretty 'Virginia Dentata'. I'm not quite sure what this means but I'll pass it on as a feminist insight.